Overthrow

Standard

She hoped to never see you again. To never breath the same air as you again. To never ever have you invade her space again.

She has lived with the memories you implanted in her soul for too long.

“Can I erase my memory.” She says as she sees your face on social media.

She likes that you don’t have the balls to even send her a friend request.

Maybe it’s because you know to what extent you have ruined her. To what extent you have marked her world.

Maybe you feel guilty, or shame. That’s what she hopes you feel at least.

It gives her comfort knowing she hasn’t seen you again.

Maybe you know this time will be different if she sees your face.

She might scream and tell the world who you really are.

Maybe you sense that she is no longer going to fall victim to your games.

She may never ever speak to you again. But she hopes you realize you are nothing but a fly she has squished over and over again.

She has burned your memories and replaced them with strength.

She has tied up any fear and shame and thrown them into a pit of fire.

She no longer is a victim but she is a survivor at best.

She is free.

No more knots in her throat.

She has grown so much that if she were to ever see you again, she won’t feel weak.

All she’ll feel is power.

Power to overthrow you. To show the world who you really are.

She is and will always be what you created, your biggest nightmare in the body of someone you once hurt.

Beat up the negative thoughts

Standard

Today has been super stressful. Well, actually this whole week has been stressful for me. Midterms, complicated statistics homework, and a presentation.

I got them over with but I can’t help but beat myself up over them.

I realized after the presentation, my first thoughts were, “I did badly.” “I repeated my self a lot.” “I stuttered.” “I was shaking the whole time.”

After my midterm, my first thoughts were, “I failed.”

After submitting my math homework I thought, “I’m getting a bad grade on this.”

I understood today that I am being super negative with myself. Why is that?

Why do we human beings tend to dwell so much on the negative? Our automatic thoughts are a lot of the times self-destructive.

I realized it’s how I combat those thoughts that will help me be able to sleep peacefully tonight. I have to stop and for every negative thought come up with a positive one.

This post is a reminder to myself and those out there under stress, We are doing our best.

As long as we try and learn from our mistakes, life will get better. Things get better.

That’s what I will tell myself, a bad grade or not, I tried my best.

Las Mujeres Somos Fuerte

Standard

Las mujeres somos fuerte

This is something my mother has said to me since I was a child. Since I was a little girl unaware of what women hood would bring, she would lift my little head up and say this phrase. To those who do not speak Spanish, it means “Us women are strong.”

I was unaware of what strength meant. To me when I pictured the word strong I pictured a person lifting a couch with their pinky’s. Lifting a building was also something I associated with the word strength.

When I thought of strength at the age of 7, I imagined it had to do with men. Men can lift things, they are bigger, they have “strength.”

My mother’s idea of strength was different and it shaped my childhood immensely. She said, “when a person deals with immense pain carrying a child and giving birth, that is a strength a man will never know.” She said, “strength can be emotional. Strength is in your heart.”

I have always been petite, so I liked this idea that I was strong within. I started living life this way. I envisioned my ability to cry and embrace my emotions as if it could punch a wall.

At times I’d be discouraged with life and feel weak, but my mom’s voice resigns in my head. “Las mujeres somos fuerte.” That phrase right there gave me the strength to get up and wipe my tears.

I’ve dated men who made me feel small but god how good it felt when I was strong enough to leave them or put myself first.

Strength is not just a ability in men. Strength is not always physical. Strength is tolerating the ups and downs of life and still loving living.

Strength is being able to embrace emotions. To stand up for yourself and show the world you are not less because of your sex.

I guess I wrote this because some days I forget what my mom said years ago before I could understand it, “Las mujeres somos fuerte.”