Pull it together

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My heart has been broken many times.

I’ve broken it myself and people have tossed it around like a rotten tomato.

I have come to the conclusion that no matter what, I have to protect my heart from further damage.

Can’t love someone who doesn’t love me back.

Can’t do things that will backfire on me.

I simply cannot keep hurting my soul.

Like a lost child, I thought my heart was a lost cause.

So often I felt real pain in my chest when I got too sad.

Sadness is a pain that no one should feel.

My heart has been broken, beaten, burned and stepped on.

I’ve cried enough.

I’ve grown too much, it’s up to me to not be the victim any longer.

Broken heart, listen to me, I will fix you.

I will heal you.

It’s up to me to pull together this aching heart…

Rebooting Brain

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My thoughts linger around like the lights resonating from my snow globe. I wonder what its like to run three thousand miles deep in the sun. Far from the glowing thoughts.

The world twinkles, and rumbles a little too loud for me somedays. All I want to do is accomplish something but my creativity has its days. Somedays its hard to write a page, other days I can write 52 pages in one sitting.

Distractibility is my weakness when my mind is rewinding. Sometimes my mind is on hyper speed, somedays it takes forever to reboot.

I have batteries, they run out somedays. I have to change them to feel alive again.

My brain is twisted and turned around. All I need is a little sleep, a little energy, a little bit of a high to make me feel accomplished again.

My thoughts linger…

Sometimes, I write things that just simply don’t make sense…

Poetry from a rebooting brain isn’t meant to make sense but what work of art ever makes complete sense anyway?

00:00

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I am not running out of time. If anything I have an abundance of time.

I used to feel like I was on a time limit. The clock in me ticked aggressively.

I had writer’s block for the longest. My goal to write a book started biting my foot. It dragged me into the darkest of corners because I thought I was running out of time.

If I don’t publish a book soon, I would never amount to anything I thought. I learned that this clock in me only worsened my writer’s block.

I have so many dreams. This irrational fear that I would never reach them stems from my own self-doubt.

I doubted that I would make it as a writer. I doubted that I would live long enough to see my dreams come true.

That clock has to slow down. Life is counted but I will reach everything If I really want to.

Tic Toc… stop clock.

My dreams will come true, be it 22 or 52.

All that matters is that I do it. That I don’t give up on my goal.

The success of others can not be a measurement for my own.

Clocks tic for so many reasons but sometimes we have to reset it and place it back on 00:00.

Free Brain= Smile on my face

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My knowledge on life is based off everything I’ve lived. I’ve lived beautiful things but also encountered painful situations.

The thing about life is, you can either sit on your bed and drown in the negative, or count on the blessings in disguise.

I have come to the terms that my mind can be irrational, negative and catastrophic at times. That has done nothing but hold me back.

Try taking a test you studied for while thinking, “I am going to fail.” The mind goes blank. The mind freezes. That’s kind of what happens in life overall when you think negative.

The world freezes and all you see are gray clouds and rain. The sun disappears and so does the smile that was once on my face.

Self doubt is poison. Why judge everything we do or say? I decided I have to own my awkwardness, my irrational thinking and the embarrassing things I say or do everyday.

I got tired of creating my own hail storm everyday.

Clear mind equals free brain. Free brain equals peace. Peace equals maintaining that smile on my face.


To the Past who Believed in me

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silhouette photo of trees

Photo by Jonathan Aman on Pexels.com

Trees, clouds, and open terrain.

My life was complete with you holding my hand.

When I cried, there you were to open my eyes and show me the world wasn’t as bad.

Sunshine, love and summer breeze.

There you played with my hair under a big old tree.

Summer, love and palm trees.

My head spun as we skated down the street.

My younger years were with you by my side.

All I hope now is that where ever you are, whoever you are with, you would never lose your worth.

Hugs, love, teenage dreams.

May you believe in yourself always, the way you believed in me…