00:00

Standard

I am not running out of time. If anything I have an abundance of time.

I used to feel like I was on a time limit. The clock in me ticked aggressively.

I had writer’s block for the longest. My goal to write a book started biting my foot. It dragged me into the darkest of corners because I thought I was running out of time.

If I don’t publish a book soon, I would never amount to anything I thought. I learned that this clock in me only worsened my writer’s block.

I have so many dreams. This irrational fear that I would never reach them stems from my own self-doubt.

I doubted that I would make it as a writer. I doubted that I would live long enough to see my dreams come true.

That clock has to slow down. Life is counted but I will reach everything If I really want to.

Tic Toc… stop clock.

My dreams will come true, be it 22 or 52.

All that matters is that I do it. That I don’t give up on my goal.

The success of others can not be a measurement for my own.

Clocks tic for so many reasons but sometimes we have to reset it and place it back on 00:00.

Free Brain= Smile on my face

Standard

My knowledge on life is based off everything I’ve lived. I’ve lived beautiful things but also encountered painful situations.

The thing about life is, you can either sit on your bed and drown in the negative, or count on the blessings in disguise.

I have come to the terms that my mind can be irrational, negative and catastrophic at times. That has done nothing but hold me back.

Try taking a test you studied for while thinking, “I am going to fail.” The mind goes blank. The mind freezes. That’s kind of what happens in life overall when you think negative.

The world freezes and all you see are gray clouds and rain. The sun disappears and so does the smile that was once on my face.

Self doubt is poison. Why judge everything we do or say? I decided I have to own my awkwardness, my irrational thinking and the embarrassing things I say or do everyday.

I got tired of creating my own hail storm everyday.

Clear mind equals free brain. Free brain equals peace. Peace equals maintaining that smile on my face.


To the Past who Believed in me

Standard

silhouette photo of trees

Photo by Jonathan Aman on Pexels.com

Trees, clouds, and open terrain.

My life was complete with you holding my hand.

When I cried, there you were to open my eyes and show me the world wasn’t as bad.

Sunshine, love and summer breeze.

There you played with my hair under a big old tree.

Summer, love and palm trees.

My head spun as we skated down the street.

My younger years were with you by my side.

All I hope now is that where ever you are, whoever you are with, you would never lose your worth.

Hugs, love, teenage dreams.

May you believe in yourself always, the way you believed in me…

Running Soul

Standard

When I sleep my spirit dances outside of my body.

The wind grabs my spirit and drags it out of the flesh where it’s been caged in.

My soul walks through the apartment and everything is dark.

The only thing on is the t.v in my living room.

No one is home, just my soul and my body that is laying on the bed.

My soul hears the spirits who never made it back in their flesh.

Scared to end up like them, my soul runs and jumps back in my body.

I wake up and wonder if I was dead last night.

If I entered a realm different from my own.

Lucid dreaming.

A state of running from the lost souls.

The heart holder

Standard

Her heart, I held it for a second because it slipped out of her the moment he left.

I told her she’ll be ok and that she didn’t need a man like that.

Worse of all was that she is older than me and would never want me seeing her cry over a man.

But although I was young, I already understood love is flawed.

She assured me she was strong. Wiped the tears off her face and said, “I can do better.”

I knew she could but I also knew they’ll get back together any day.

Despite her being smart she had a debilitating love for this man.

A man who didn’t treat her right, who didn’t love her the way a diamond should be loved.

He treated her more like a second option he can run to when he felt lonely.

She was more like a property he owned and invested in.

I told her, “Get back with him and I honestly might not be your friend anymore.”

Maybe if I scared her it will work.

A week later they were back together.

Yet again, there I was, holding her heart again until he decided to come back and play with it once more…