Merry Christmas!

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Merry Christmas everyone!

Today is a day where I usually reflect on what I am grateful for. I am grateful to be able to make it into another new year. I am grateful for my family and friends. I am grateful that I can embrace the art of writing. I learned that creativity is a blessing in desguise.

The new year is almost here and I haven’t been more excited. I am excited to start 2019 because I have so much I want to explore and accomplish. Another year of life, another year for change.

I used not to take change well growing up. I used to feel down during the holidays because I dwelled on all the negative that has happened before Christmas day and new years. I decided that I no longer want to let the past define me.

I want to live in the now. I want to look forward to the future. The past has been a rollercoaster but I have the power to get off that ride and grow. I cant wait to have my dreams come true one day.

I want to let the world know that when you look forward, the world looks a little brighter. I am experiencing that right now. The past is good to look at to reflect and learn but I will no longer let it consume me.

Hope for the future. Keep on walking and forget to look back.

Bless You Future

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Things don’t go how I went them too and I freak out.

I start thinking it’s not fixable.

When I was a little girl, I thought the sad feeling in me was not fixable.

I thought I was destined to feel sad and be bullied.

I thought I was destined to be lonely.

Years ago I never knew I’ll still be holding up.

That I’ll still be working hard to make my mother proud.

Things get better I learned. Things feel better. Things make sense the older you get.

When I was a teenager I made some mistakes.

Thought I would live a life of turmoil and pain.

Here I am, years later, making mistakes still but learning from them.

Looking at the past as a guideline for what I want to leave behind.

Also what I want to bring with me into the future.

I learned from my childhood and teen self that the present isn’t easy, but the future is an escape I wouldn’t want to miss out on.

Goodbye past, hello present, bless you future.

Forgiveness

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Forgiveness is something I’ve mastered through the years of turmoil I’ve experienced.

Being hurt in life can make you bitter. It can make you see the world through a dark lens.

It can make you live life under a cloud, being struck by lightning every five minutes.

Every time I saw your face or the past flashed before my eyes, I became bitter.

Getting hurt by another soul can leave you searching the world for an answer.

Why me?

Why do I just get chewed up and spit out by life?

Courage is taking the past by its horns and looking it right in its eyes and saying, I forgive you.

I forgive you destiny for putting hell right before me several times.

The fire burnt my skin but today my wounds heal.

I forgive those who hurt me because I won’t let the pain fester in me anymore.

Forgiveness to me means letting go of the pain but never forgetting.

Forgive but never forget.

For me being able to release my anger, the tension and pain in me meant my past could never hold me down the way it used to.

I say sorry for you. I learned only karma will one day teach you to say sorry.

I grew, I learned that being bitter is not and will never be my reality.

Forgive, never forget, but let go of the bitterness.

Only by saying, I forgive, was I able to focus on the future…

In the mind of James (Excerpt from a story I am working on)

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I never asked for any of this.

Never asked for the sleepless nights, the tough mornings.

Never asked for the isolation, the loneliness.

I never gave up on myself to be bitter.

To be fearful.

Where has the time gone?

It goes quickly when your hiding.

The times I told you I’d be there for you. I meant them.

But now those are just faint words in the distance.

Echoing behind me, reminding me of the past that hurts more than the present.

Remembering the moments I stayed strong.

But now? Now I am as weak as an infant.

Holding on to myself, crawling to places because I just don’t have the energy anymore.

My friend, the bottle.

My hiding spot, my home.

Made the mistake of letting you go…

Precious Time

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Some people are just not worth your time. They act like they love you, want you, respect you and then at the end of the day, they wasted your time.

Sometimes people are like leeches, they stick to you, pretending to be someone they are not. Someone you would like. Just so they can suck on your blood. Or in this case, get something from you that you value.

Whether be your body, your money, simply just wasting our times.

Some people just think about themselves and their reward center in the brain goes into overdrive.

They want what they want and they will lie.

They will fake so much just to get you to open up. To give them what they want.

From woman to woman, woman to man, woman to any other human on this planet, don’t let a person be your leech and suck on your blood.

Time is too precious. Don’t let anyone waste your time.