00:00

I am not running out of time. If anything I have an abundance of time.

I used to feel like I was on a time limit. The clock in me ticked aggressively.

I had writer’s block for the longest. My goal to write a book started biting my foot. It dragged me into the darkest of corners because I thought I was running out of time.

If I don’t publish a book soon, I would never amount to anything I thought. I learned that this clock in me only worsened my writer’s block.

I have so many dreams. This irrational fear that I would never reach them stems from my own self-doubt.

I doubted that I would make it as a writer. I doubted that I would live long enough to see my dreams come true.

That clock has to slow down. Life is counted but I will reach everything If I really want to.

Tic Toc… stop clock.

My dreams will come true, be it 22 or 52.

All that matters is that I do it. That I don’t give up on my goal.

The success of others can not be a measurement for my own.

Clocks tic for so many reasons but sometimes we have to reset it and place it back on 00:00.

No Such Thing as Perfect

Hello my butterflies 🦋

I am going to let you guys in on a little secret. Sometimes the happiest looking people are deep down not as happy as they seem.

I say this because I am a prime example of this. I am always smiling and joking. I am the first person to ask how somebody else is doing but not ask myself why I feel down. I am the person who will push my emotions aside to be there for the people I love.

I may seem like I have my world in order. I may seem like I know what I am doing but I am just as lost in this world as any other.

I have my days where life takes a toll on me and I am stuck trying not to drown. Let me tell you something, the 20’s aren’t how I thought they would be. No, it’s not about partying and relationships. In my 20’s I feel this pressure to be on the right path so in my 30’s I have the goals I am trying to reach.

There’s lots of stress associated with educational responsibilities, family responsibilities, and overall just living life.

The whole point to writing this is to say, no I am not perfect. No one is. I may always be smiling and joking around but somedays I am walking a tightrope as well. Balancing in life is hard. Reaching the other end of that rope is hard.

Although life is hard. I made a vow to myself that I will get through my 20’s with my imperfections. I will make it.

Ups, downs, mistakes, you name it. I will own them and I will graduate college and be who I aspire to be.

Remember you can be imperfect and reach a life so perfect you’ll believe imperfect is the new perfect.

Like a cloud

The world may seem like a dark shark infested system.

The sky is unreachable and untenable.

Dreams hang from the tears of desperate young souls who long for success.

It may seem like the world has many dead ends.

If you open your eyes and stare directly at the clouds, you’ll be able to catch your breath.

As the clouds roam the sky that we cannot touch, you are reminded that life is slower than we think.

We rush through everything because that’s how society has survived.

Run for the train, fast-paced jobs, and extreme anxiety keeps us on the edge.

But as you look in the sky, the slowness of the clouds drifting slows your mind a little, doesn’t it?

See, like the clouds we have the power to slow down.

To slower our heart rate by just closing our eyes and imagining that we already reached success.

Sometimes patience is all we need.

Don’t go in desperation for your dreams because life has a funny way of just pushing them farther.

If you do it slow but steady, you will reach them with a calmness in your soul that will prepare you for what you just obtained.

We are not sharks.

We are souls trapped in bodies.

Souls that long for success.

Souls that just like clouds, need to enjoy life with patience and steadiness.

A cloud makes it all over the world, in the slowest fashion but it has reached farther territory than any fast-paced bird.

Beat up the negative thoughts

Today has been super stressful. Well, actually this whole week has been stressful for me. Midterms, complicated statistics homework, and a presentation.

I got them over with but I can’t help but beat myself up over them.

I realized after the presentation, my first thoughts were, “I did badly.” “I repeated my self a lot.” “I stuttered.” “I was shaking the whole time.”

After my midterm, my first thoughts were, “I failed.”

After submitting my math homework I thought, “I’m getting a bad grade on this.”

I understood today that I am being super negative with myself. Why is that?

Why do we human beings tend to dwell so much on the negative? Our automatic thoughts are a lot of the times self-destructive.

I realized it’s how I combat those thoughts that will help me be able to sleep peacefully tonight. I have to stop and for every negative thought come up with a positive one.

This post is a reminder to myself and those out there under stress, We are doing our best.

As long as we try and learn from our mistakes, life will get better. Things get better.

That’s what I will tell myself, a bad grade or not, I tried my best.

Poetry saved me

Poetry is a beautiful thing.

It’s a creation of expression.

A creation where my lips may not be moving but my fingers are writing something magical.

Magical for me at least.

I am letting go of things that verbally, I didn’t even know exist.

Poetry saved me a couple times from letting go of my dreams, my future and let alone myself.

Poetry saved me when I was dealing with trauma only the world knew behind closed doors.

A poem can rhyme, can be disorganized, can be shaped and twisted around through syllables, sentences, words.

I paint pictures with written words.

I tell stories only my brain can unfold.

Poetry saved me.

Poetry is music.

Music that fills my ears with jazz and romantic words.

It’s my reminder that I do believe in true love.

I write about love and realize that word means something to me.

No matter how much I try to pretend it’s just a word.

Power hides inside my fingertips.

These written words one day maybe my legacy.

Poetry saved me.

Poetry held me.

Poetry will be the legacy I will leave behind one day to the children I still don’t know.

It is the gold I hide in my treasure chest.

Poetry is more than just words written in cursive and ink.

I have a relationship with it that not many will truly ever know.

Poetry,

Poetry,

Poetry…

My first love.