She looks up to me

When I was 9 my little sister was born. I vowed from the first day she came home that I would protect her from the world.

I already at the age of 9 knew the evils in this world and I wanted to make sure she never experienced anything bad.

I carried her and felt my world feel complete for a second. This new baby in my arms was going to be my new best friend.

I protected her as if she were my own. I made sure she was content. I would tell my mom to take good care of her while I was at school.

As my sister got older, she was still the best thing to happen to me. I would watch movies with her, I would teach her words and be her guide in many aspects of life.

Being almost a decade older than her meant I had almost 10 more years of experience in this world.

But then came my teenage years. I was no longer that sister I wanted her to see. I changed. I was not the best version of myself.

I made a lot of mistakes. I scared the living hell out of my family multiple times. I could’ve lost my life at times. I could’ve been the sister she never would see again.

I thought I failed her.

Recently she told me something I’ll never forget. Now at 13 years old, she’s taller than me. She is intelligent, girly, a role model at her school. I fear she’ll end up like me once I entered high school. Don’t want her to lose her best qualities in a world of hormones and depression.

Recently she told me, “I hope to be just like you.” I was shocked. Why would anyone want to be like me? I made so many mistakes. I am not the best at dealing with life’s hurdles. She said, “All my siblings are in college. You are smart. My sisters are doing great things. I love telling my friends that you guys are in college.”

She made me realize, she loves her sister no matter what. I realized, Yes I might’ve been a bad influence at one point but look at me now. In college, and working hard. I realized, a child doesn’t see the flaws behind a face that they love. A child will always find that silver lining in you.

So, yes the past will mark you but it will never ever determine your future.

To my sister, if you ever read this blog. Thank you. Thank you for reminding me I can do this and I have two pairs of eyes learning from me. I won’t let you down.

Add my Twitter guys I am new to it.

@dianaloves333

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@simplyunamariposa_

Poetry saved me

Poetry is a beautiful thing.

It’s a creation of expression.

A creation where my lips may not be moving but my fingers are writing something magical.

Magical for me at least.

I am letting go of things that verbally, I didn’t even know exist.

Poetry saved me a couple times from letting go of my dreams, my future and let alone myself.

Poetry saved me when I was dealing with trauma only the world knew behind closed doors.

A poem can rhyme, can be disorganized, can be shaped and twisted around through syllables, sentences, words.

I paint pictures with written words.

I tell stories only my brain can unfold.

Poetry saved me.

Poetry is music.

Music that fills my ears with jazz and romantic words.

It’s my reminder that I do believe in true love.

I write about love and realize that word means something to me.

No matter how much I try to pretend it’s just a word.

Power hides inside my fingertips.

These written words one day maybe my legacy.

Poetry saved me.

Poetry held me.

Poetry will be the legacy I will leave behind one day to the children I still don’t know.

It is the gold I hide in my treasure chest.

Poetry is more than just words written in cursive and ink.

I have a relationship with it that not many will truly ever know.

Poetry,

Poetry,

Poetry…

My first love.

From toxic to free

Good morning guys!

Yesterday I asked my followers on my personal Instagram what I should write about next. One good friend of mine suggested I write about being in a toxic relationship and making the decision to be on your own and letting that person go.

I’ve touched on this subject before in my older posts but didn’t go in depth. I have experienced this. Precisely when I was graduating high school. It was my first serious relationship.

Everything, of course, seems perfect in the beginning but as time continued we were just really toxic for each other. The arguing and the control this person had over me was unbearable. I stayed for a long time in this relationship because I didn’t want to be on my “own.”

I feared to be lonely. The messed up thing about being in a toxic relationship is that losing your friends sometimes happens. So not only was this person my only “friend,” but I also was just so emotionally drained from the arguing that making friendships was the last thing on my mind.

Listen, guys, letting that person go may be painful at first. May feel like your world is crashing down on you. You may be fearing to feel lonely. But the truth is, sometimes what we miss once we break up is the routine we got accustomed to with that person, not the actual person. You will miss having someone to constantly text, or their family or just having company. But trust me, you will be able to breathe once you feel free in your own company. Learn to be alone. To do things alone. Build a routine without them.

We overlook how healthy it is to be alone sometimes. It’s a great time to find ourselves. Learn from that toxic relationship so you know what you want next in a future relationship.

Each relationship we’re In teaches us something about ourselves and about what is important to us in a relationship.

You may be lonely for a little. Once that person is gone, you will start making friends again. You will be back to embracing your hobbies and most importantly taking care of your soul and heart.

Unhealthy relationships aren’t good for our mental well being.

If you are contemplating ending a toxic relationship, it’s going to be hard but you have to do what’s best for you.

We only have one life. Do not spend it trying to please someone who only gives you headaches, or controls your ability to live this life the best way possible.

Take it from me, being happy after a break up is possible and true. I am in the best place in life right now. I let that person go and honestly, best decision I ever made.

Now I have great friends, can focus on my career and on me. You can have that too.

Pulled Apart

They danced around like butterflies in a garden bush.

They held hands with hopes of never letting go.

They kissed in secret and vowed to one day tell the world.

Lovers pulled away by destiny and their own parents.

They messaged each other when they were alone.

Isolated themselves from their parents who just couldn’t understand true love.

So they lied, they said they were lonely.

But in reality, they were in love.

The stars spell out each other’s names to one another when they looked up in the sky.

Love was all they saw when they looked into each other’s eyes.

They met up every day when they had time to make up a lie.

They found their way to each other.

No matter the time.

Rain, snow, sleet, they managed to get a hug.

A hug that kept them going through the day.

Mom and dad pulled them apart.

But their love only kept growing.

Causing them to one day just run away…

A little poem for those who want to be with someone but life gets in the way.

We only live once, go after what you love and who you love ❤️🦋

Breakups

The thing about breakups is that you feel as if your world is ending when they happen.

Your heart breaks a little. It tears up and lets this toxic gas flow through your body. A gas that fills you with negativity.

You start wondering, was I not enough? What did I do wrong? Why… Why… Why?

Your eyes become fogged up by the sadness of losing someone out of your life. Sometimes that’s the reason we keep running back. Back to someone who doesn’t deserve us. Someone who doesn’t truly love us.

Loss.

We mourn the loss of a lover. That’s why we are sad. We got so used to their company, even if it was bad. We got used to the routine we’ve created by their side.

If you think about it, once we stop mourning that loss we realize how blinded we were by the fog.

We don’t miss them, we miss the company and routine.

A breakup hurts, but it will teach you to love your own company.

Breakups suck.

We mourn.

We lose someone.

But we can never lose our own selves.

No matter what, we have to learn to be our own company sometimes…