Las Mujeres Somos Fuerte

Las mujeres somos fuerte

This is something my mother has said to me since I was a child. Since I was a little girl unaware of what women hood would bring, she would lift my little head up and say this phrase. To those who do not speak Spanish, it means “Us women are strong.”

I was unaware of what strength meant. To me when I pictured the word strong I pictured a person lifting a couch with their pinky’s. Lifting a building was also something I associated with the word strength.

When I thought of strength at the age of 7, I imagined it had to do with men. Men can lift things, they are bigger, they have “strength.”

My mother’s idea of strength was different and it shaped my childhood immensely. She said, “when a person deals with immense pain carrying a child and giving birth, that is a strength a man will never know.” She said, “strength can be emotional. Strength is in your heart.”

I have always been petite, so I liked this idea that I was strong within. I started living life this way. I envisioned my ability to cry and embrace my emotions as if it could punch a wall.

At times I’d be discouraged with life and feel weak, but my mom’s voice resigns in my head. “Las mujeres somos fuerte.” That phrase right there gave me the strength to get up and wipe my tears.

I’ve dated men who made me feel small but god how good it felt when I was strong enough to leave them or put myself first.

Strength is not just a ability in men. Strength is not always physical. Strength is tolerating the ups and downs of life and still loving living.

Strength is being able to embrace emotions. To stand up for yourself and show the world you are not less because of your sex.

I guess I wrote this because some days I forget what my mom said years ago before I could understand it, “Las mujeres somos fuerte.”

Grateful

accomplishment ceremony education graduation

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

My week has been the same so far. School, coming home late, the usual. Can’t wait to graduate already. I love college because I meet cool and caring people here but sometimes I stress so much in the semester that I don’t want to even finish this degree.

What keeps me going is the thought that I am so close to my bachelors. Just two more semesters if I stay on the right path. I am so close to winning this race that I thought I was never going to win. Between my Bipolar Disorder and the ups and downs of life, I have made it to just two more semesters until I walk down the stage and receive my diploma.

My mother says all the time that I should be proud. I had times in my life where I thought giving up was best. I had my mother and many people in my life reminding me after each semester how far I’ve come.

I’ve had moments where I almost let my emotions, and life beat me up but I stood strong. I first thought I was going to college for my parents. I realized I am going for a much bigger reason. I want to prove to myself that I can do it. I want to look in the mirror one day and be able to say, I have a career and I did it with hard work.

A lot of the time I am reminded of how lucky I am to even be able to go to college. My mother would’ve loved to have gone when she was my age. I am able to go and make use of what I learn and that is a blessing.

I haven’t given up yet and I won’t. Just two more semesters. The headaches and the nights of studying, oh and that long commute from school and home are all worth it. One day I will be able to say, “Damn, look at me. A college student, a professional, a woman who worked hard.”

Bridges

Sometimes in life, we have to cross bridges, build bridges and destroy a couple bridges. It’s painful to destroy a couple of them because we can’t no longer reach that thing that hurts us but gives us so much comfort at the same time.

Burning bridges takes a lot of strength, a lot of heartaches. It’s a process that feels like it’s breaking us with it. But this is necessary.

Once you destroy that bridge, you can build a new one. A bigger, brighter one. Create a scenery of flowers and flowing water around it. Let it lead you to a brighter and bigger future.

Some bridges fall, but only the ones we really need stay put. Just look around. Do you like what you see around that bridge you are walking on?

😊🦋

Little Update

My life consists of commuting back and forth to my college and doing homework.

I go out occasionally and have fun but fall semester is always intense. More projects to work on, essays and exams.

This weekend I have planned going out to eat with my best friend so that should be fun! A great way to release some stress honestly.

It’s all worth it though because one day my younger siblings will be proud of me and hopefully look up to me.

My goal 😊.

All I ever wanted as a child was to make my family proud. So, I’ve always worked hard.

Yesterday I spent my day in school and had a great bus ride back home. For once the bus was empty.

On another note, I did experience some disappointments last week.

Last week I realized some people can be liars and just want to use you.

Have you ever had someone in your life who only wanted one thing from you?

Who made it seem like they cared but were lying the whole time?

Yeah, that happened to me. But it taught me to be the bigger person. I simply let it be and moved on to bigger and brighter things and people.

Advice, just walk away. You don’t need negativity In your lives my butterflies.

I found myself working extra hard on my assignments and my personal writing as well. Plan on entering some of my poems in a contest at my college.

Wish me luck!

I finished my night yesterday hopeful, listening to music and working on my assignments.

Just a little update on my life.

Hope you all have a great week and remember work hard, love life and lastly stay strong my butterflies 🦋.

Anxiety

Good morning all!

As usual, I started my day super early, even though it’s my day off from school and work. I can never sleep in. Most of my energy takes place in the morning so I get things done first thing in the morning.

This week has been a whirlwind. I have had several people trying to get me to hang out with them but I simply just want to stay home. The main reason is that I get anxiety about going outside.

I am like a bird, happy in my nest but once its time to flap my wings I am terrified. My anxiety has been getting intense lately. Physically I am experiencing a lot more symptoms. The worst one is the heavy breathing and the shaky feeling inside of me. I feel as if something within me is crumbling, being destroyed. The world shakes within me.

I know exposure is what can day by day calm this anxiety in me, so I go out to school, take the bus and yesterday I went out and did some errands. Yes, it felt horrible inside but I got it done. I also realized that after a while of walking outside and realizing I am okay that anxiety calms down a little.

I have my guardian angel protecting me anyways. For those new to my blog, my grandmother who passed away is in my mind my guardian angel.

I shared this with you guys in case any of you are dealing with anxiety. Look out for the physical effects anxiety have on your body. Also try to get a little exposure to what causes you anxiety, slowly of course. Don’t just jump right into it and if you guys can, a therapist will help a lot with this gradual exposure.

Here are some things I realized about anxiety that may be helpful,

  1. Anxiety can cause physical effects. Sweating, pain, nauseousness, rapid heart rate and so much more. I know it only makes the anxiety in our minds worse but they will subside once you focus on what’s going on in the mind. What I do is focus on my breathing instead of the repetitive negative thoughts.
  2. Exposure is a must. It helps to show your repetitive thoughts that they are wrong. My repetitive negative thoughts of going outside are that no one is good and everything’s dangerous outside. By going outside I have bumped into really sweet and kind people. I have also seen I have made it home safely every single time. This enforces more and more that my thoughts are not as right as I thought they were.
  3. Take it day by day. Expose yourself to what causes anxiety slowly and lastly, if it’s too much to deal with to the point that it affects your functioning in life, therapy is a great thing to think about. A good therapist and support system will help reshape these negative thoughts with positive ones slowly but surely.

Have a beautiful day my butterflies and don’t forget, anxiety can’t destroy us but we can destroy it.

Here’s a song I enjoy and maybe you guys will like it too.