Pull it together

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My heart has been broken many times.

I’ve broken it myself and people have tossed it around like a rotten tomato.

I have come to the conclusion that no matter what, I have to protect my heart from further damage.

Can’t love someone who doesn’t love me back.

Can’t do things that will backfire on me.

I simply cannot keep hurting my soul.

Like a lost child, I thought my heart was a lost cause.

So often I felt real pain in my chest when I got too sad.

Sadness is a pain that no one should feel.

My heart has been broken, beaten, burned and stepped on.

I’ve cried enough.

I’ve grown too much, it’s up to me to not be the victim any longer.

Broken heart, listen to me, I will fix you.

I will heal you.

It’s up to me to pull together this aching heart…

The heart holder

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Her heart, I held it for a second because it slipped out of her the moment he left.

I told her she’ll be ok and that she didn’t need a man like that.

Worse of all was that she is older than me and would never want me seeing her cry over a man.

But although I was young, I already understood love is flawed.

She assured me she was strong. Wiped the tears off her face and said, “I can do better.”

I knew she could but I also knew they’ll get back together any day.

Despite her being smart she had a debilitating love for this man.

A man who didn’t treat her right, who didn’t love her the way a diamond should be loved.

He treated her more like a second option he can run to when he felt lonely.

She was more like a property he owned and invested in.

I told her, “Get back with him and I honestly might not be your friend anymore.”

Maybe if I scared her it will work.

A week later they were back together.

Yet again, there I was, holding her heart again until he decided to come back and play with it once more…

From pushovers to pushers

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Three years ago he would’ve never stood up for himself.

She would’ve never given herself the place she deserved.

They would’ve let people walk all over them.

She would’ve cried when yelled at.

They were that dreaded word, pushovers.

I guess anger changed that.

It changes how they view people and themselves.

When you are hurt,

You start to see people as potential hunters, trying to knock you down.

You see them as people you can’t fully trust.

Pain ends up erasing the innocence off people’s faces.

Anger makes you want to yell.

“Get out of my way. Don’t waste your time with me,” you say.

It makes you want to scare all these potential heartbreakers and life changers away.

How you go from a pushover to the one pushing people away?

Get hurt.

Get ridiculed.

Have someone break a piece of you.

Sad isn’t it?