Journey

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An interesting journey I have been on this year was just finding myself on a deeper level. I had to find out what I really wanted in life, beyond the typical goals. I needed to find what brought sparks into my bloodstream and bones.

Sure, I want to graduate college, I want to find love, I want to move out, those are regular goals. Have you ever achieved a spiritual goal? Those are the best.

Spiritually, and mentally, I wanted to heal within. I wanted to find peace, connect with the world within me, not outside of me.

My mind has been a place I’d throw the worst of the worst in. Didn’t know that with a couple minutes of closing my eyes and saying what makes me grateful could change my whole day.

I realized all this sorrow, all the pain, all the endless turmoil I myself create, was not what life wants to teach me.

Life wants to teach me to simply live. If I keep living in the past, I am not living. If I keep dwelling on my anger, I am not living.

Life is here and now. Life is this moment as I write this. Spiritually, emotionally, and mentally I am growing and healing. It’s a journey I haven’t finished yet, but it’s a goal.

It is a goal I’ve never felt more content pursuing.

00:00

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I am not running out of time. If anything I have an abundance of time.

I used to feel like I was on a time limit. The clock in me ticked aggressively.

I had writer’s block for the longest. My goal to write a book started biting my foot. It dragged me into the darkest of corners because I thought I was running out of time.

If I don’t publish a book soon, I would never amount to anything I thought. I learned that this clock in me only worsened my writer’s block.

I have so many dreams. This irrational fear that I would never reach them stems from my own self-doubt.

I doubted that I would make it as a writer. I doubted that I would live long enough to see my dreams come true.

That clock has to slow down. Life is counted but I will reach everything If I really want to.

Tic Toc… stop clock.

My dreams will come true, be it 22 or 52.

All that matters is that I do it. That I don’t give up on my goal.

The success of others can not be a measurement for my own.

Clocks tic for so many reasons but sometimes we have to reset it and place it back on 00:00.

Horray 2019 is on its way!

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Hello  butterflies! 

Its been a while since I’ve written constantly on my blog. Most of the reason for this has been because I was super busy and stressed this semester with school. College just gets harder and harder each semester.

This semester one class I particularly dreaded and stressed the most over was Psych Statistics. I am not a math person. A person can ask me to count or add or subtract, and my mind feels like its doing jumping jacks. I have my final for this class Monday. Wish me luck. 

Now that I am on my winter break I have come up with a list of goals for the new year. They aren’t wild leaps but reasonable changes.

My first goal for 2019 is to meditate. I used to meditate, but that habit was distracted by the overwhelming schedule I had. I barely had time to focus on my mental well being — big mistake. No matter how busy or hungry you are for success, mental well being comes first. I need to find what will make me feel content and that is focusing on my emotional needs while on this journey for success.

Another goal I have for myself is to learn to be happy on my own. I have a habit of letting people overstay in my life because of fear of being alone. I learned that I am never alone. I have family, friends, and people in my life who actually care about me. That empty, alone feeling I have is much deeper than just being filled with people. It has to be filled with something only I can fill it with. I will work on that by finding what in life makes me happy. I know my writing does and so does music. So my goal is not only to not let people who suck the soul out of others overstay in my life but to work on my writing and my hobbies. 

My last goal is to maintain my body healthy. Being a college student can be overwhelming. It can make you feel out of control and busy. I learned that I could never be too busy to feed my body the beneficial nutrients and exercise it so I can be healthy mentally and physically.

These are just a few of my goals. I still have a major goal of finishing a book I am writing and publishing it. I know I can achieve it and I want you guys to know, so can you! 

Thank you for reading my work. May the new year enter beautifully and drama free. 

Sincerely, Una Mariposa.

No Such Thing as Perfect

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Hello my butterflies 🦋

I am going to let you guys in on a little secret. Sometimes the happiest looking people are deep down not as happy as they seem.

I say this because I am a prime example of this. I am always smiling and joking. I am the first person to ask how somebody else is doing but not ask myself why I feel down. I am the person who will push my emotions aside to be there for the people I love.

I may seem like I have my world in order. I may seem like I know what I am doing but I am just as lost in this world as any other.

I have my days where life takes a toll on me and I am stuck trying not to drown. Let me tell you something, the 20’s aren’t how I thought they would be. No, it’s not about partying and relationships. In my 20’s I feel this pressure to be on the right path so in my 30’s I have the goals I am trying to reach.

There’s lots of stress associated with educational responsibilities, family responsibilities, and overall just living life.

The whole point to writing this is to say, no I am not perfect. No one is. I may always be smiling and joking around but somedays I am walking a tightrope as well. Balancing in life is hard. Reaching the other end of that rope is hard.

Although life is hard. I made a vow to myself that I will get through my 20’s with my imperfections. I will make it.

Ups, downs, mistakes, you name it. I will own them and I will graduate college and be who I aspire to be.

Remember you can be imperfect and reach a life so perfect you’ll believe imperfect is the new perfect.