Control

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I’ve been on a rollercoaster for so long that I’ve infused into the seat and can’t seem to get off.

Like a puppet, my emotions move me, walk me, make me do actions against my will.

Like a fire, I burn each day in hopes of finding an escape.

Escapes are usually not the easiest.

The world seems like a fast-paced conundrum when you are hyperventilating.

Seems like I do that every day.

Breaths that never slow down. A heart that never rests well enough.

I am always on the edge.

Control.

I learned of this magical word.

Control.

The anxiety, the rollercoaster, they are not my life but just facets of it that I must control.

I must turn the rollercoaster certain ways, turn it off on my own.

The breathing, my heart, the anxiety.

I am In control of my body. Just need to remind myself, mind over body.

I am in control.

Life is not in control of me.

Anxiety doesn’t own me and lastly being on the edge of my seat for the rest of my life is just something I refuse to put my heart through.

I am a work in progress…

Control.

Control.

Control.

Anxiety

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Good morning all!

As usual, I started my day super early, even though it’s my day off from school and work. I can never sleep in. Most of my energy takes place in the morning so I get things done first thing in the morning.

This week has been a whirlwind. I have had several people trying to get me to hang out with them but I simply just want to stay home. The main reason is that I get anxiety about going outside.

I am like a bird, happy in my nest but once its time to flap my wings I am terrified. My anxiety has been getting intense lately. Physically I am experiencing a lot more symptoms. The worst one is the heavy breathing and the shaky feeling inside of me. I feel as if something within me is crumbling, being destroyed. The world shakes within me.

I know exposure is what can day by day calm this anxiety in me, so I go out to school, take the bus and yesterday I went out and did some errands. Yes, it felt horrible inside but I got it done. I also realized that after a while of walking outside and realizing I am okay that anxiety calms down a little.

I have my guardian angel protecting me anyways. For those new to my blog, my grandmother who passed away is in my mind my guardian angel.

I shared this with you guys in case any of you are dealing with anxiety. Look out for the physical effects anxiety have on your body. Also try to get a little exposure to what causes you anxiety, slowly of course. Don’t just jump right into it and if you guys can, a therapist will help a lot with this gradual exposure.

Here are some things I realized about anxiety that may be helpful,

  1. Anxiety can cause physical effects. Sweating, pain, nauseousness, rapid heart rate and so much more. I know it only makes the anxiety in our minds worse but they will subside once you focus on what’s going on in the mind. What I do is focus on my breathing instead of the repetitive negative thoughts.
  2. Exposure is a must. It helps to show your repetitive thoughts that they are wrong. My repetitive negative thoughts of going outside are that no one is good and everything’s dangerous outside. By going outside I have bumped into really sweet and kind people. I have also seen I have made it home safely every single time. This enforces more and more that my thoughts are not as right as I thought they were.
  3. Take it day by day. Expose yourself to what causes anxiety slowly and lastly, if it’s too much to deal with to the point that it affects your functioning in life, therapy is a great thing to think about. A good therapist and support system will help reshape these negative thoughts with positive ones slowly but surely.

Have a beautiful day my butterflies and don’t forget, anxiety can’t destroy us but we can destroy it.

Here’s a song I enjoy and maybe you guys will like it too.