Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Today is a day where I usually reflect on what I am grateful for. I am grateful to be able to make it into another new year. I am grateful for my family and friends. I am grateful that I can embrace the art of writing. I learned that creativity is a blessing in desguise.

The new year is almost here and I haven’t been more excited. I am excited to start 2019 because I have so much I want to explore and accomplish. Another year of life, another year for change.

I used not to take change well growing up. I used to feel down during the holidays because I dwelled on all the negative that has happened before Christmas day and new years. I decided that I no longer want to let the past define me.

I want to live in the now. I want to look forward to the future. The past has been a rollercoaster but I have the power to get off that ride and grow. I cant wait to have my dreams come true one day.

I want to let the world know that when you look forward, the world looks a little brighter. I am experiencing that right now. The past is good to look at to reflect and learn but I will no longer let it consume me.

Hope for the future. Keep on walking and forget to look back.

Late Night Conversations

I miss those late night conversations.

The conversations where you can just share every detail of your life and not regret it.

Late night conversations talking in a hushed voice so I wouldn’t wake anyone up.

Listening to the show you were ignoring in the background of the call.

I miss those late night conversations where I could sing and laugh at corny jokes.

Late night conversations where I don’t even think about how I have to be up in 5 hours.

I miss those late night conversations.

The conversations where we would send each other our worst pictures and make fun of each other.

Who doesn’t crave someone to have late night conversations with…

Peace

I close my eyes and travel to the deepest of calming places.

My favorite place in my mind is where the sky is pitch black but the stars and moon illuminate everything.

I am on a boat floating above blue water.

My fear of drowning disappears because the water feels like cotton.

When the world is loud and chaotic, I close my eyes and see this world.

A world of dreams and fluffy clouds.

The breeze is cool but comforting.

As I lay on my bed I see the sky and realize all I need in this world of sin, is my imagination and my need for peace.

A little drawing

00:00

I am not running out of time. If anything I have an abundance of time.

I used to feel like I was on a time limit. The clock in me ticked aggressively.

I had writer’s block for the longest. My goal to write a book started biting my foot. It dragged me into the darkest of corners because I thought I was running out of time.

If I don’t publish a book soon, I would never amount to anything I thought. I learned that this clock in me only worsened my writer’s block.

I have so many dreams. This irrational fear that I would never reach them stems from my own self-doubt.

I doubted that I would make it as a writer. I doubted that I would live long enough to see my dreams come true.

That clock has to slow down. Life is counted but I will reach everything If I really want to.

Tic Toc… stop clock.

My dreams will come true, be it 22 or 52.

All that matters is that I do it. That I don’t give up on my goal.

The success of others can not be a measurement for my own.

Clocks tic for so many reasons but sometimes we have to reset it and place it back on 00:00.

Free Brain= Smile on my face

My knowledge on life is based off everything I’ve lived. I’ve lived beautiful things but also encountered painful situations.

The thing about life is, you can either sit on your bed and drown in the negative, or count on the blessings in disguise.

I have come to the terms that my mind can be irrational, negative and catastrophic at times. That has done nothing but hold me back.

Try taking a test you studied for while thinking, “I am going to fail.” The mind goes blank. The mind freezes. That’s kind of what happens in life overall when you think negative.

The world freezes and all you see are gray clouds and rain. The sun disappears and so does the smile that was once on my face.

Self doubt is poison. Why judge everything we do or say? I decided I have to own my awkwardness, my irrational thinking and the embarrassing things I say or do everyday.

I got tired of creating my own hail storm everyday.

Clear mind equals free brain. Free brain equals peace. Peace equals maintaining that smile on my face.