Scared of the world

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I don’t say a lot of what I feel.

Probably out of fear that no one would understand.

I dream big.

I have hope.

But something is always missing.

I wish for peace within me and this world.

To be accepted as who I am.

But only God knows I am the only person who needs to accept myself.

I carry my heart on my shoulder.

It’s visible to the world.

I don’t say a lot of what I feel.

In a way, I am just scared of the world…

True

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I destroyed the chaos that hurdled towards me like a hunter fighting a beast.

I had a gut feeling that what I needed was to fight the thoughts that kept me trapped in a reality that was dim.

I couldn’t accept myself, my thoughts or the words that unwillingly flowed through my mouth.

My tongue tried to hold back the truths but the truths out weight my lies.

I was never a liar by choice.

Never a liar by manipulation

But I lied to keep my heart safe.

Safe from the harsh words of those I love.

I destroyed the chaos.

I destroyed the pain, but in return, I fell in a cycle of fighting demons each day.

Pull it together

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My heart has been broken many times.

I’ve broken it myself and people have tossed it around like a rotten tomato.

I have come to the conclusion that no matter what, I have to protect my heart from further damage.

Can’t love someone who doesn’t love me back.

Can’t do things that will backfire on me.

I simply cannot keep hurting my soul.

Like a lost child, I thought my heart was a lost cause.

So often I felt real pain in my chest when I got too sad.

Sadness is a pain that no one should feel.

My heart has been broken, beaten, burned and stepped on.

I’ve cried enough.

I’ve grown too much, it’s up to me to not be the victim any longer.

Broken heart, listen to me, I will fix you.

I will heal you.

It’s up to me to pull together this aching heart…

Rebooting Brain

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My thoughts linger around like the lights resonating from my snow globe. I wonder what its like to run three thousand miles deep in the sun. Far from the glowing thoughts.

The world twinkles, and rumbles a little too loud for me somedays. All I want to do is accomplish something but my creativity has its days. Somedays its hard to write a page, other days I can write 52 pages in one sitting.

Distractibility is my weakness when my mind is rewinding. Sometimes my mind is on hyper speed, somedays it takes forever to reboot.

I have batteries, they run out somedays. I have to change them to feel alive again.

My brain is twisted and turned around. All I need is a little sleep, a little energy, a little bit of a high to make me feel accomplished again.

My thoughts linger…

Sometimes, I write things that just simply don’t make sense…

Poetry from a rebooting brain isn’t meant to make sense but what work of art ever makes complete sense anyway?

Late Night Conversations

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I miss those late night conversations.

The conversations where you can just share every detail of your life and not regret it.

Late night conversations talking in a hushed voice so I wouldn’t wake anyone up.

Listening to the show you were ignoring in the background of the call.

I miss those late night conversations where I could sing and laugh at corny jokes.

Late night conversations where I don’t even think about how I have to be up in 5 hours.

I miss those late night conversations.

The conversations where we would send each other our worst pictures and make fun of each other.

Who doesn’t crave someone to have late night conversations with…