The heart holder

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Her heart, I held it for a second because it slipped out of her the moment he left.

I told her she’ll be ok and that she didn’t need a man like that.

Worse of all was that she is older than me and would never want me seeing her cry over a man.

But although I was young, I already understood love is flawed.

She assured me she was strong. Wiped the tears off her face and said, “I can do better.”

I knew she could but I also knew they’ll get back together any day.

Despite her being smart she had a debilitating love for this man.

A man who didn’t treat her right, who didn’t love her the way a diamond should be loved.

He treated her more like a second option he can run to when he felt lonely.

She was more like a property he owned and invested in.

I told her, “Get back with him and I honestly might not be your friend anymore.”

Maybe if I scared her it will work.

A week later they were back together.

Yet again, there I was, holding her heart again until he decided to come back and play with it once more…

Love poem, Do you know?

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The shadow realm is where lies my insecurities and past hardships. You have placed them there the moment you came into my life.

Even while falling for you I debated whether I was worthy of catching.

You showed me I am and worthy of so much more.

The moment we interlocked souls I knew my eyes wouldn’t want to look at anyone but you.

Simply I just feel love for you, or I like you a lot. I don’t know what love feels like honestly.

Thought I was in love so many times.

Being with you is like spinning on a computer chair really fast. The world is twisting and turning but my eyes focus only on one thing.

So many people have entered my life and disappointed me.

It made me hesitant to even admit I felt something for you.

I don’t know what I feel, someone tell me, is this what love feels like?

Honestly, I don’t know.

Control

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I’ve been on a rollercoaster for so long that I’ve infused into the seat and can’t seem to get off.

Like a puppet, my emotions move me, walk me, make me do actions against my will.

Like a fire, I burn each day in hopes of finding an escape.

Escapes are usually not the easiest.

The world seems like a fast-paced conundrum when you are hyperventilating.

Seems like I do that every day.

Breaths that never slow down. A heart that never rests well enough.

I am always on the edge.

Control.

I learned of this magical word.

Control.

The anxiety, the rollercoaster, they are not my life but just facets of it that I must control.

I must turn the rollercoaster certain ways, turn it off on my own.

The breathing, my heart, the anxiety.

I am In control of my body. Just need to remind myself, mind over body.

I am in control.

Life is not in control of me.

Anxiety doesn’t own me and lastly being on the edge of my seat for the rest of my life is just something I refuse to put my heart through.

I am a work in progress…

Control.

Control.

Control.

Overthrow

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She hoped to never see you again. To never breath the same air as you again. To never ever have you invade her space again.

She has lived with the memories you implanted in her soul for too long.

“Can I erase my memory.” She says as she sees your face on social media.

She likes that you don’t have the balls to even send her a friend request.

Maybe it’s because you know to what extent you have ruined her. To what extent you have marked her world.

Maybe you feel guilty, or shame. That’s what she hopes you feel at least.

It gives her comfort knowing she hasn’t seen you again.

Maybe you know this time will be different if she sees your face.

She might scream and tell the world who you really are.

Maybe you sense that she is no longer going to fall victim to your games.

She may never ever speak to you again. But she hopes you realize you are nothing but a fly she has squished over and over again.

She has burned your memories and replaced them with strength.

She has tied up any fear and shame and thrown them into a pit of fire.

She no longer is a victim but she is a survivor at best.

She is free.

No more knots in her throat.

She has grown so much that if she were to ever see you again, she won’t feel weak.

All she’ll feel is power.

Power to overthrow you. To show the world who you really are.

She is and will always be what you created, your biggest nightmare in the body of someone you once hurt.

Like a cloud

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The world may seem like a dark shark infested system.

The sky is unreachable and untenable.

Dreams hang from the tears of desperate young souls who long for success.

It may seem like the world has many dead ends.

If you open your eyes and stare directly at the clouds, you’ll be able to catch your breath.

As the clouds roam the sky that we cannot touch, you are reminded that life is slower than we think.

We rush through everything because that’s how society has survived.

Run for the train, fast-paced jobs, and extreme anxiety keeps us on the edge.

But as you look in the sky, the slowness of the clouds drifting slows your mind a little, doesn’t it?

See, like the clouds we have the power to slow down.

To slower our heart rate by just closing our eyes and imagining that we already reached success.

Sometimes patience is all we need.

Don’t go in desperation for your dreams because life has a funny way of just pushing them farther.

If you do it slow but steady, you will reach them with a calmness in your soul that will prepare you for what you just obtained.

We are not sharks.

We are souls trapped in bodies.

Souls that long for success.

Souls that just like clouds, need to enjoy life with patience and steadiness.

A cloud makes it all over the world, in the slowest fashion but it has reached farther territory than any fast-paced bird.

News feed

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The first thing we do is go on the internet and check our news feed.

We are hit with stories of the grim reality of life. The reality that we all die.

We are hit with people arguing, scandals, stories that make us say oh my god.

The first thing we do is watch a video on what’s wrong with the world. It’s all the news talks about. Sure they sprinkle a positive news story here and there but they are amongst a sea of negativity.

Why must we shed a light on the painful reality that no one is safe and death is inevitable?

We see our social media friends bashing women, bashing men, bashing moms, bashing anyone who is not like them.

The world likes to high light the bad, ugly and unfortunate.

Is this why we can’t seem to smile first thing in the morning?

Disconnect?

Is that what we must do every once in a while?

I’m not saying throw that phone out the window, burn your laptop and destroy the t.v.

Maybe, just maybe, we can look out the window and see the blue sky before checking our phones.

Hug our pet, our lover, our children and love the fact that we woke up to see another day.

Once we take in the positivity within our small worlds, we are prepared enough to take in the negativity within our phones displaying the bigger world outside of our small worlds.

I know, it’s a complicated sentence but what I’m trying to say is we have to appreciate what we have to fight the ugly of this world.

Maybe just maybe, we can hmm I don’t know, Disconnect once in a while?

A tale of two what if’s

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All I ever want to do is hold you.

To tell you I will never hurt you.

To show you what I lacked in the past I don’t lack any longer.

To show you that I can give you the world and carry it on my shoulders.

Sometimes we meet a person who changed our whole lives.

That’s you.

You made me aware of pain and comfort.

Aware of loss and gain.

All I ever wanted was for us to grow… but destiny just had other plans I guess.

We will always be nothing more than two souls who could’ve, should’ve and would’ve been twin flame lovers…