No Such Thing as Perfect

Standard

Hello my butterflies 🦋

I am going to let you guys in on a little secret. Sometimes the happiest looking people are deep down not as happy as they seem.

I say this because I am a prime example of this. I am always smiling and joking. I am the first person to ask how somebody else is doing but not ask myself why I feel down. I am the person who will push my emotions aside to be there for the people I love.

I may seem like I have my world in order. I may seem like I know what I am doing but I am just as lost in this world as any other.

I have my days where life takes a toll on me and I am stuck trying not to drown. Let me tell you something, the 20’s aren’t how I thought they would be. No, it’s not about partying and relationships. In my 20’s I feel this pressure to be on the right path so in my 30’s I have the goals I am trying to reach.

There’s lots of stress associated with educational responsibilities, family responsibilities, and overall just living life.

The whole point to writing this is to say, no I am not perfect. No one is. I may always be smiling and joking around but somedays I am walking a tightrope as well. Balancing in life is hard. Reaching the other end of that rope is hard.

Although life is hard. I made a vow to myself that I will get through my 20’s with my imperfections. I will make it.

Ups, downs, mistakes, you name it. I will own them and I will graduate college and be who I aspire to be.

Remember you can be imperfect and reach a life so perfect you’ll believe imperfect is the new perfect.

Friday Fun

Standard

Good morning everyone.

I haven’t written on my blog for the past two days. I’ve just been extremely tired. I would come home and immediately fall asleep. At one point I asked myself, “is this life? No energy, no fun, just work.” I was fed up because my body was so drained.

I went to the doctors and got some blood work done to make sure my health is good. I get those back in a week.

This Halloween I didn’t get to do anything because I spent it at the doctor’s appointment and I had class the next day. The most I did was eat candy that my sister brought home and my dad as well.

The real fun for me was the day after Halloween. Two of my friends and I went to a restaurant called Joya.

It was amazing. Catching up with my girls and not stressing over school was a good feeling. We usually hang out on my college campus where we feel stressed and rushed. Last night we just decided to get dressed up and enjoy a nice meal.

This was my meal. I loved it. I got too full quickly so I had to take the rest home. They make their white rice and shrimp perfectly. The garlic sauce was amazing as well. It is located in Brooklyn New York.

The best part about last night is realizing how I have such great friends. Seeing them last night reminded me not to stress. I will graduate and I will get that diploma. No matter how many sleepless nights or days of my body being exhausted, I have to get through this semester.

I just have to make sure I do fun things with my friends in between 🙂.

Enjoy your day butterflies!

Remember, when stressed, come out of that routine for at least a day. Reality is and will always be more than just stress.

Within

Standard

✂️✂️✂️💇🏻‍♀️💇🏻‍♀️💇🏻‍♀️💇🏻‍♀️

My hair symbolizes a lot to me. It symbolizes my need for change, my need to be in charge and my need to take out frustrations.

This summer I did something I would’ve never done in the past. I cut my hair above my shoulders. It was shorter than it has ever been in my 22 years on this planet.

Everyone questioned me and asked why I cut my long hair. At first, I would say because I wanted to. Yes, it’s my choice and I wanted to. My hair, my choice to do whatever I want with it of course.

I realized once I kept wanting to cut my hair even shorter that I was doing it for deeper reasons. I was going through a hard time precisely when I made that decision.

I was at a point where I was frustrated with my emotions, myself and my memories. I needed a big change. Something to distract my mind from the hardships of life.

That first time I cut my hair I felt liberated. This change was going to bring me a confidence I was lacking. I was liberated from being the same woman who was melting away inside. I looked in the mirror and saw something different.

The second time I cut my hair even shorter was because I had reached a breaking point. I wanted to keep escaping from who I was and the image I was so accustomed to in the mirror.

Yes cutting my hair was positive but I was avoiding the truth within. The truth that I was unhappy and I had to heal within so I could love what I saw in the mirror.

Short hair, long hair, makeup, bare-faced, I had to fall in love again with what was within…

Beautiful in our own way

Standard

I used to think the only way I could be beautiful was by being the “ideal” woman. I thought having a small waist, and a goddess like body was ideal.

I thought I’d be less lonely, less insecure and less empty with that ideal body. Got tired of the crash diets, and crying when I looked in the mirror. These few women that society glorifies have this image that the majority of women just don’t pertain to.

Us women come in different shapes and sizes. We are all made of different genes, different features, different beautiful skin tones.

What we see glorified on t.v and what society tells us we should look like is something we need to fight against.

We all come in different sizes and in different varieties. Us women make the world go round and if someone can’t accept your beauty in its unique form, then show them what they are messing with.

Be strong, be unapologetic.

This is a reminder to the world and myself that being a woman is much more than our bodies. It’s our brains, our smiles, our goals, our personalities, the list is infinite.

The “ideal” woman is every woman.

We are all ideal in our own beautiful way.

She looks up to me

Standard

When I was 9 my little sister was born. I vowed from the first day she came home that I would protect her from the world.

I already at the age of 9 knew the evils in this world and I wanted to make sure she never experienced anything bad.

I carried her and felt my world feel complete for a second. This new baby in my arms was going to be my new best friend.

I protected her as if she were my own. I made sure she was content. I would tell my mom to take good care of her while I was at school.

As my sister got older, she was still the best thing to happen to me. I would watch movies with her, I would teach her words and be her guide in many aspects of life.

Being almost a decade older than her meant I had almost 10 more years of experience in this world.

But then came my teenage years. I was no longer that sister I wanted her to see. I changed. I was not the best version of myself.

I made a lot of mistakes. I scared the living hell out of my family multiple times. I could’ve lost my life at times. I could’ve been the sister she never would see again.

I thought I failed her.

Recently she told me something I’ll never forget. Now at 13 years old, she’s taller than me. She is intelligent, girly, a role model at her school. I fear she’ll end up like me once I entered high school. Don’t want her to lose her best qualities in a world of hormones and depression.

Recently she told me, “I hope to be just like you.” I was shocked. Why would anyone want to be like me? I made so many mistakes. I am not the best at dealing with life’s hurdles. She said, “All my siblings are in college. You are smart. My sisters are doing great things. I love telling my friends that you guys are in college.”

She made me realize, she loves her sister no matter what. I realized, Yes I might’ve been a bad influence at one point but look at me now. In college, and working hard. I realized, a child doesn’t see the flaws behind a face that they love. A child will always find that silver lining in you.

So, yes the past will mark you but it will never ever determine your future.

To my sister, if you ever read this blog. Thank you. Thank you for reminding me I can do this and I have two pairs of eyes learning from me. I won’t let you down.

Add my Twitter guys I am new to it.

@dianaloves333

And add my Instagram

@simplyunamariposa_

What we hide from the world

Standard

I can’t deny there are some things I desire. I desire love, affection, and care. I desire to feel wanted. I desire to feel complete but only I can complete myself.

I stay off social media because all you see are people who are happy. Couples who look in love, babies, promotions, graduations, the list can go on.

It’s so blinding that I sometimes forget nothing is ever all positive. Maybe that couple is miserable. Maybe that family isn’t perfect, maybe just maybe that smile in that selfie isn’t real.

I built up so many expectations for myself on where I should be in life. Life simply can’t be planned out. It never goes how we want it.

I have secrets and sorrows but so does everyone else. They just mask it the same way I mask mine on social media.

We live in a world of fake smiles, fake pictures. It’s a technological world. Where selfies and statuses fog up the screen. We live in a world of likes and emojis.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s all just a wall, masking what we try to hide from the world.

Beat up the negative thoughts

Standard

Today has been super stressful. Well, actually this whole week has been stressful for me. Midterms, complicated statistics homework, and a presentation.

I got them over with but I can’t help but beat myself up over them.

I realized after the presentation, my first thoughts were, “I did badly.” “I repeated my self a lot.” “I stuttered.” “I was shaking the whole time.”

After my midterm, my first thoughts were, “I failed.”

After submitting my math homework I thought, “I’m getting a bad grade on this.”

I understood today that I am being super negative with myself. Why is that?

Why do we human beings tend to dwell so much on the negative? Our automatic thoughts are a lot of the times self-destructive.

I realized it’s how I combat those thoughts that will help me be able to sleep peacefully tonight. I have to stop and for every negative thought come up with a positive one.

This post is a reminder to myself and those out there under stress, We are doing our best.

As long as we try and learn from our mistakes, life will get better. Things get better.

That’s what I will tell myself, a bad grade or not, I tried my best.