This week I started classes once more. Let me tell you, I was anxious, and insecure as soon as the week started. I get like that every first week of the semester. I do this thing where I doubt myself. I was convinced I wasn’t going to be able to handle the work.
How did I come out of that mindset? Well after a day or two of being in=mmersed in this insecurity, I realized enough is enough. What has self doubt ever done for me? It has made me fail exams, forget important material and become shy among my peers.
The reality is, I don’t want to face the consequences of doubting myself. I came home one day this week and closed my eyes and imagined winning that race. The finish line is seeing a passing grade next to the name of my classes. The finish line is walking across a stage and receiving my diploma.
I always say live in the present but sometimes gazing into the future can do wonders. I may not be the smartest, the prettiest, the most outgoing but hey, I have a passion for getting things done. I have the drive to succeed.
My semester may be difficult with all the exams, essays, readings etc. but one thing I will not do is doubt my abilities. This is a realization I make every semester. Every semester I remind myself that I am capable, I am ready and I am one day going to finish off strong.
Today I decided to make a blog post about a topic very dear to me and that is self discovery. It took me a long time to discover who I am and what it is that I want in life. I realized, who I am is more than just a category, a label and a person. I am simply me. I am the woman I’ve learned to love over the years.
I used to battle with distinguishing who I was in a world of so many personalities. I have always been the quiet one, the shy one, the one that hid. Now at 22 years old, I’ve grown out of that shell. I learned that who I am is a ever lasting process.
My heart will never change but as I experience more things, the components of me may. I want to let those who read my blog and those who are new to my page know that if you feel lost, you will find yourself.
Self discovery is a process. It is made up of stages where you have moments of growth, setbacks and excitement. I stopped looking at life as a race and the beauty in that is that I have so much more energy to get my work done.
Rushing through life stops us from taking in the pure fresh air of existence. Life is a journey, if you feel lost, you will know where you belong one day. If you feel lost, you will find yourself.
I am going to let you guys in on a little secret. Sometimes the happiest looking people are deep down not as happy as they seem.
I say this because I am a prime example of this. I am always smiling and joking. I am the first person to ask how somebody else is doing but not ask myself why I feel down. I am the person who will push my emotions aside to be there for the people I love.
I may seem like I have my world in order. I may seem like I know what I am doing but I am just as lost in this world as any other.
I have my days where life takes a toll on me and I am stuck trying not to drown. Let me tell you something, the 20’s aren’t how I thought they would be. No, it’s not about partying and relationships. In my 20’s I feel this pressure to be on the right path so in my 30’s I have the goals I am trying to reach.
There’s lots of stress associated with educational responsibilities, family responsibilities, and overall just living life.
The whole point to writing this is to say, no I am not perfect. No one is. I may always be smiling and joking around but somedays I am walking a tightrope as well. Balancing in life is hard. Reaching the other end of that rope is hard.
Although life is hard. I made a vow to myself that I will get through my 20’s with my imperfections. I will make it.
Ups, downs, mistakes, you name it. I will own them and I will graduate college and be who I aspire to be.
Remember you can be imperfect and reach a life so perfect you’ll believe imperfect is the new perfect.
I haven’t written on my blog for the past two days. I’ve just been extremely tired. I would come home and immediately fall asleep. At one point I asked myself, “is this life? No energy, no fun, just work.” I was fed up because my body was so drained.
I went to the doctors and got some blood work done to make sure my health is good. I get those back in a week.
This Halloween I didn’t get to do anything because I spent it at the doctor’s appointment and I had class the next day. The most I did was eat candy that my sister brought home and my dad as well.
The real fun for me was the day after Halloween. Two of my friends and I went to a restaurant called Joya.
It was amazing. Catching up with my girls and not stressing over school was a good feeling. We usually hang out on my college campus where we feel stressed and rushed. Last night we just decided to get dressed up and enjoy a nice meal.
This was my meal. I loved it. I got too full quickly so I had to take the rest home. They make their white rice and shrimp perfectly. The garlic sauce was amazing as well. It is located in Brooklyn New York.
The best part about last night is realizing how I have such great friends. Seeing them last night reminded me not to stress. I will graduate and I will get that diploma. No matter how many sleepless nights or days of my body being exhausted, I have to get through this semester.
I just have to make sure I do fun things with my friends in between 🙂.
Enjoy your day butterflies!
Remember, when stressed, come out of that routine for at least a day. Reality is and will always be more than just stress.