I Can, I am, I Will

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I have had several years of wondering will I make it? Will I graduate? Will I get out of this toxic relationship? Will I find myself and love myself? Endless questions that sooner or later I answer. The answer is almost always, “yes.”

Now I know that when I ask myself will I, I know deep inside the “will I” becomes I do, I am or I can. It’s faith. Faith because I’ve learned everything eventually falls into place. My favorite thing about who I am now in life is that I don’t question my abilities.

I used to say, “I am not capable.” I’ve heard people tell me, “You are not capable.” I’ve heard people tell me, “You can’t do that.” I constantly prove people wrong, not for them but for me. The worst person to say, “You can’t do this,” is not them, it’s you.

What we tell ourselves is way more toxic than what others tell us sometimes. Have you ever looked in the mirror and said, “I am ugly,” “I am not worthy.” It can kill the way you feel each time you see your reflection.

Turn will I, into I will, I do, I am. Keep the faith that things will fall into place. Years later, my life feels like its falling into place. Years later I know I am unbreakable.

Love yourself, believe in yourself.

Simply look in the mirror and say, “I can.”

(Thank you guys for reading this post. I am currently collecting answers for my survey, its for one of my college courses. If you can please fill it out and submit)

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfm7EM-gATEj-VXTiJc0VeHfiSSBMjYMubkEGCdY1Sx56jxRQ/viewform?usp=sf_link

Thank you!

Involuntary Journey

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Anxiety grabs me by my feet and takes me on this involuntary journey.

I didn’t sign up for the ride but my body decided its time for it.

I feel cold and sweaty.

My teeth chatter as if I were on snowy land, high up on a mountain.

Deep breaths they say, deep breaths.

But how can I take deep breaths when all I feel is breathless.

I hold my tongue and try not to curse my own mind.

Anxiety riddled me, trapped me and took me on this ride.

Once it’s over, I feel alive again.

I feel in control of life when it’s over.

But here and there I get that fear that I will once again be forced on this journey.

Anxiety, the involuntary rollercoaster ride.

My island

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Take a look at the sky in the darkness of the night. The dark illuminates with stars in the sky. Only on my island have I seen stars shine so bright.

Fireflies buzz away across the street where my grandfather keeps his chickens and his crops. City life could never compare to the life on my island.

My grandfather wakes up every morning and feeds his animals. I woke up every morning to the sound of roosters singing the song of my island.

My grandmother danced and cleaned the morning away. She put her long black hair in a pony tale and the music began to flow around my head.

Children ran as fast as the motorcycles on the streets. My neighbors would come over at 12 and we would eat together. Everyone eats at 12pm on my island. My grandmothers biggest cause for complain was not having lunch cooked by 12.

The people on my island worked all day long but as soon as it was the weekend no one complained but just gave thanks to God. They gave thanks for the rain, for the sun, for the roosters, for the beautiful, and even the bad.

“Appreciate the bad. It only makes us stronger.”

“Appreciate the dark because even in the darkness there is some light.”

My island, a place where I learned simplicity is the biggest gift in life.

You make me feel

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I have a feather in my heart.

Before it used to be a rock, but now my heart is as light as it’s ever been.

You make me feel like I am on a cloud.

Watching the world beneath me, enjoying the sounds of the cars below and the planes soaring by me.

You make me feel like the world makes sense.

You make me feel like the future is reachable and no longer too far away.

I start seeing the world in your hands.

Intertwined with mine.

I see the sunset in your eyes every time you smile.

The moon glistens in your soul.

I see the world become peaceful when in your arms.

You make me feel like a walking metaphor.

An artistic play on life.

You make me feel one hundred percent alive.

Butterfly Stay

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I see you asking the world where to go.

Should you float away left, right?

Should you hide under a rock and forever hide.

I hold your hand and you shy away.

I lay my head on yours and you don’t know what to do.

Like a butterfly, you shy away.

You sense me coming and fly away.

Have you been hurt so many times that the world is no longer livable?

Have you forgotten that touch, love, and sympathy are applicable?

I see you.

All lost and stuck in your head.

Can you embrace your colors?

Fly like a butterfly onto my hands and see that there’s no need to fly away.

The world won’t hurt you,

Especially if I’m the one holding your hand…