Today I was told, “How do you think of the words to say in your writing?” I told him it’s something that comes naturally for me.
See for me being a writer is much more than just spewing words on paper. It is releasing these thoughts I carry in my head all day long. Thoughts I can’t share verbally. Thoughts that I have no one to share them with at times. So paper, and in this case, my laptop becomes my way of releasing.
I release demons through writing. I release joy. I release simply my emotions.
When I was a little girl I didn’t make friends easily. My classmates picked on me or excluded me from being friends. I had one day where I tried hanging out with a group of girls in my grade and they walked me to my sister and said, ”here, we don’t want her bothering us.” You can imagine the embarrassment, my sister looked at me and we sat in silence because she knew I didn’t want to tell her I had no friends. Or that I was being bullied.
I would sit alone in the lunch room and this wonderful woman who was elderly, and a mother of one of the teachers, would sit with me and let me stay in the lunchroom with her until I finished my food.
She made sure I ate. I was really skinny as a child and barely ate. Was never hungry.
She would ask me about my day and how I was feeling. I told her I love to write and one day as a gift she gave me a diary.
That was what started it all. Every lunch period I’d sit in silence. Silent in my world but noisy in the lunchroom. I would write and write until lunchtime was over.
Thanks to that woman I realized writing helps me feel like I am not alone.
From that day on, I told myself, one day I will share my writing with the world. To make my bullies see that I was worth so much. To make anyone who doubted me see that I may have been shy but in my quiet reality laid creativity and kindness.
I write because it’s my outlet, my comfort.
Maybe one day, I can change the world with my words…